Wow, can you believe that this year is almost over?? The older I get, the faster the years fly by. I bet I’m not the only one that feels that way. You too?
Christmas is only a week away. I’m not sure how it snuck up on me but it did and here it is. I have a week left, and I think I’m almost done shopping. That Santa guy? He’s not always on my favorites list and as the kids get older, he’s having to work a little harder to make sure the elves deliver.
While Christmas is a wonderful time of year, it has been a season that I dread for 7 years. Zoe was born and lost in 2010 and it kinda turned me away this season of joy. Instead it turns this month into a month of remembrance, reliving the grief that first broke my heart. My heart doesn’t know or care that it has been 7 years since we lost her. It might as well have been last week. I can still remember the smell of the delivery room, and telling Jimmy over and over in the minutes after her delivery that she was supposed to cry.
Grief during the holidays isn’t easy, no matter what type of loss is suffered. For me, it is another reminder that someone is missing. While we are gathering around the table or opening gifts, there are moments of sadness that we should have another daughter and son sitting at our table. They should be us, smiling and laughing.
So while you are putting on your “I’m fine” smile (I know you have one because I do too), it’s ok for you to take a minute, an hour, a day for yourself and remember (or forget, depending on what your mind and soul needs). Give yourself a break. If you need to say “no” to a request during this busy season, then do it. If you need to express your feelings in words (or another way) then do that too. Visit the cemetery. Or don’t. I just want you to know that it’s so important for you to do what you need. I will also add how I tend to cope is not how my husband copes. We’re all a little different and that’s ok too.
I would like to say that it’s easier this year than last. I would love to tell you that each year, the weight has lifted a little.
I could tell you that, but it would be a lie. It is still a pressure that weighs on my mind and heart.
All I will tell you is to love those that are here, cherish the memories of the ones that are not and attempt to find some joy in the moments that are so quickly passing.
I also want to say thanks for spending this year with me since I started this blogging journey. If you are moving through the sea of grief, I sincerely hope that I can help you know that you are not alone. It’s certainly not going to be easy, but you’re going to make it through this horrible journey.