It’s All About Balance — Whatever That Is

bal·ance

/ˈbaləns/ – noun – a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.

We all know what balance means. At least by definition.

But when I start thinking about my life, I have no idea how to make it all work. I’m pretty much just winging it. All of it. Do both my kids bathe every single day? Nope. Do they eat 3 well-balanced meals every day? Also no.

I was talking to another mom friend and I told her that I was struggling. How do I keep my kids happy, my marriage “sparkly”? How do I have time for my husband, my friends, my work, exercise, meal prep, keep my house from looking like raccoons live here and I recently added school, all without losing my mind?  Turns out, she was having the same feelings, but felt really alone about it. Why is that? Why are we so quick to make it look like everything is fine?  Why is not ok to struggle with trying find a way to accommodate all of our roles in life?

Let me add that my husband does almost everything at home. He does almost all the laundry, all the cooking (I can order take-out like a boss though) and keeps everything running (all while running a business of his own — Yeah, I’m pretty lucky). But there are tons of people out there that make it work and better than that, they make it look seamless.

Let me be clear: That is NOT me.

I think that now, more than ever, there is so much pressure on us to make it all work and to do it without breaking a sweat.   We’re expected to have parenting figured out (yeah, right), work full time (or more), go to school meetings, work meetings, climb the ladders, keep our marriage spicy, keep our families together, laundry done, get Pinterest worthy meals ready, make those cupcakes and that kids costume… the list goes on. I’m exhausted just writing it.

Listen, is there really such thing as a balance with all that? Here’s my theory, and you are welcome to disagree with me, but if you are succeeding in one area of life, something else is probably suffering for it.

Here’s an example (not my real life, by the way): I go pick up the kids every day from school. The weather is beautiful so we go to the park. They play, get dirty, and have a great time. Meanwhile I have a big test coming up and I haven’t had enough time to work on it after my night shift schedule and mandatory flex-up time at work. Since we were at the park, the laundry fairy flaked and nothing got done at home. Kids were happy, but other parts of life—school and home stuff—got neglected.  Here’s a different scenario.  You are an attorney, working all the time to make it big in the legal world (I’ve been re-watching The Good Wife).  You are putting in 80-hour weeks, your bosses notice and think you’re doing a great job.  Meanwhile you and your husband are ships passing in the night and you are missing out on all the great irreplaceable moments that make up your kids’ childhoods.

I’m just going to tell myself that there is no balance. There’s a ideal life, but if you haven’t picked up on it by now, it’s not mine. I’m just going try and keep my kids from not needing thousands of dollars of therapy — Fingers crossed!

All I can say is good luck. Keep trying. When you have a day, week or month that is just total crap and you want to throw in the towel and become a hoarding hermit, just keep trying. Choose the stuff that means the most to you and make that your priority.  It’s ok to say no to people.  It’s ok to take time out for you and your family.  It’s ok to let go of all that pressure that weighs us down to be that perfect everything.

Life is hard and it really sucks sometimes, but let’s face it, none of us are getting out alive anyway, so just make it one that you love.