It’s Funny When It’s Someone Else

I’ve had some serious posts lately but this one is not. Well, not now.  When it was happening yesterday, I wasn’t laughing.

Boys and Girls are different.  No doubt about it.

I’ve always said that Noah is my easy child.  He came into the world without incident.  He was such a good child. And he has a heart kinder than most.  Is all this because he’s a boy? Ehhh.

Avery is a constant reminder that life is unpredictable.  One thing that Avery does that drives me NUTS is the pottying thing on road trips.  We were driving to Florida for a few days for Disney.  We had been driving most of the afternoon and we stopped to go to the bathroom and get gas on the way to Florida.  Noah went to the bathroom.  I went to the bathroom.  Jimmy went to the bathroom.  Avery didn’t have to go.

We got back on the road, driving on the 4 lane interstate. We drove for about 20 minutes and then hit stand-still traffic. The app I use for traffic said that there was an accident so we waited.  And waited. And waited.

It’s a good things she’s cute

Then suddenly there was a very fidgety little girl that said she needed to go potty.

Great.  Awesome.  Just perfect.

We were on a bridge with no exits and no room to move.  The fidgeting continues and starts to intensify. She starts to kick her feet (which even when I haven’t been in the car for 6 hours, irritates me to NO end).

She is starting to lose it as I explain to her, “look around, there isn’t a potty here.  We can’t go anywhere.  Look at all the big trucks, there’s no where for us to go.”

My husband a.k.a. MacGyver cuts the top off a water bottle and tells her that she can pee in that.  She completely refuses, all the while her voice is getting louder and more tearful.  I explain that Noah had to do it once in the same situation (coincidentally also on the way to Disney) and it was fine.  “No one is going to see you, no one will look. Just let me help you.”

Avery, in her 4 year old wisdom, says “Just go on the empty part over there (the shoulder of the bridge) and drive fast to a potty.  If you go over there, you can go faster.”  Well, yeah, that would be faster, until the police pull us over.   0209171413g

I eventually asked her did she want to go on the side of the road.  I was grasping at straws now.  She refused that too.  I’m pleading with a 4 year old to let me help her with some of the options I’ve given her.  Absolutely not!


This goes on for about 15 minutes (which actually seemed like closer to 3 days) until she finally agreed to pee on the side of the road/bridge.  Now let me add that the shoulder was about the width of 2 regular lanes.

We pulled over, I jumped out, unstrapped her from her car seat (as all kinds of junk flies out the side of the car.  Receipts, an empty water bottle and who knows what else, I haven’t found what else I’m missing yet so hopefully nothing important) and quickly get her out.  I opened the front door of our van to block the front, and blocked the following cars’ view with my body. I helped her squat down (apparently there is a learning curve on this one) and held her up while she went.  She was half crying/half laughing as she peed on the side of the road.  And my foot.  Seriously???

While all this is happening, no cars moved.  Dead stop traffic.

I yelled for Jimmy to give me a napkin or something and he hands me a roll of toilet paper.

Hmm, convenient.  I quickly cleaned her up, cleaned my foot and strapped her back in the van.

14184347_1525703614111116_6188468218347038962_nThen peace.  Silence.  Not a peep from the back.  I peeked between the headrest and the seat to sneak a look at what she was doing.  She was sitting there watching “Finding Dory” for the 5th time since we left North Carolina like nothing had happened.

I was out of breath from the rushing and activity and she’s sitting there like all of the world is right.


I told you all that to tell you this:

#1 – It’s only funny when it’s not you…

#2 – there’s no logic when you deal with a 4-year-old little girl that believes the world revolves around her.

#3 – This momma is tired.




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