The Epidemic

Depression is the thing no one talks about.

Although I do without apology. I wrote a post a while back about my darkest season here. I melted into someone that I would hardly recognize now, although I can still feel the empty-pit-of-my-stomach-feeling that I had so often during that time if I really think about it.

In the last few months, I have read several articles and/or Facebook posts about kids that have been struggling with Depression. I have talked to other moms that have had their kids struggle with it. I have stressed over my own child, worrying that he was dealing with issues that he wouldn’t talk to me about.

The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that at least 3.3% of children 13 to 18 years old have had episodes of severe depression. The American Academy of Adolescent Psychiatry estimates this number to be 5%. Suicide is the third leading cause of death in young people between the ages of 10 and 24. (Seriously?? This is a PROBLEM!!!!)

These are scary statistics. No parent ever expects their child to suffer from depression or anxiety. My own boy suffered from anxiety for a while. It all started when Heath died. He didn’t sleep well and ended up on the floor next to my bed at night, more often than not. I’ll never forget the day that we talked about it. We were riding in the car, just he and I. I asked him if there was anything that he wanted to talk about. He responded that he sometimes worried. I asked him what he worried about. He said, “sometimes I worry that something will happen to you and Daddy and Avery, and I’ll be left all alone.” Wow. I mean, gut-wrenching WOW. Can I tell you how hard that hit me? I wanted to cry. I wanted to hug him (but I had to play it cool– you know how it). Most of all, I wanted to hold him until all the hurt had gone away, no matter how long it took. My amazing, sweet, beautiful 9-year-old boy was worried about losing his family. About the people that loved him most dying. I felt so angry that death was something that had touched his world. I hated (and still do) the thought of him worrying about something that I couldn’t fix for him. I was struggling so much with my own feelings, I hadn’t been able to help Noah with his. When I say I felt like the worst mother ever, believe me. Worst mother EVER.

Kids now struggle with things that we, as kids, never had to worry about. One of which is social media. I’m grateful that I didn’t have that when I was Noah’s age, and I’m sorry that it’s out there now. (Just my personal opinion) It seems to weigh on kids so much. They are faced with cyberbullying, bullying in school and comparing themselves with the “perfect” face that everyone puts out there. The “highlight reel” that everyone posts on Facebook and Instagram. And then our kids get it rubbed in their faces what “perfect” looks like and that they don’t measure up. Which, of course, we adults know to not be accurate to reality. Unfortunately, kids don’t differentiate the pictures they see with the real world.

Maybe you’re not sure what you’re looking for? Maybe you know something’s off with your sweet baby, but you’re not sure what. Per Cleveland Clinic, what are the symptoms of depression in kids?

• Irritability, anger, or being “on edge”
• Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness
• Withdrawal from previously enjoyed activities as well as from friends and family
• Increased sensitivity to rejection or criticism
• Changes in appetite (either increased or decreased)
• Changes in sleep (sleeplessness or too much sleep)
• Crying or temper tantrums
• Difficulty concentrating and focusing
• Fatigue (tiredness) and low energy
• Physical complaints (such as stomach aches, headaches) that do not respond to treatment
• Reduced ability to function during activities at home or with friends, in school, extracurricular activities, and in other hobbies or interests
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Thoughts or talk of death or suicide
• Not all depressed children will have all of these symptoms. In fact, most will have different symptoms at different times and in different settings. Although some children may continue to function reasonably well in structured environments, most kids with significant depression will suffer a noticeable change in social activities, loss of interest in school and poor academic performance, or a change in appearance. 
• (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/14938-depression-in-children)

He didn’t want to talk to me and Dad. I begged him to talk to me — threatened even. But since he wouldn’t, I turned to someone more qualified to coax his feelings out of him and someone that could teach him how to manage them. After all, who am I to tell anyone how to handle their feelings?? Believe me, I’m not qualified to teach anyone. I didn’t know what to do with Noah when he was struggling so I talked to our Pediatrician first. She referred us to a counselor. I knew nothing about what Noah was going through. He lost his baby brother. I lost my child. Two totally different kinds of grief. We were both trying to find our new normal. We were both floundering. We needed professional help.

We went to a counselor and I sat in during his first session. We both talked. We both cried. We both came out feeling better than when we went in. He went a few more times and said that it made him feel better. He hasn’t been recently but we’ve both been more open about how we feel about…. well, everything. I talk to him honestly and he tells me more than he used to. Not a ton, but more (I’ll take it). I’ve told him several times that if he wanted to go back, just to say so, and I would make him an appointment and that I didn’t have to sit in with him, that it could be private. His call.

I’m far from Mother of the Year, but I do try to be there for my miniature humans. I don’t want them to feel like their feelings don’t matter. I am the first to tell you that I need some major work to be the mom that my kids need and deserve. But I’ll never quit trying. Never. I’m trying to raise adults that don’t have to recover from their childhood. I’m really trying.

If you are concerned about your child, please talk to your child’s doctor or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) or you can contact your local Emergency Department if you feel like your child needs immediate help.

I’m here for you, Mom and Dad. All you have to do is care and be there to be the parent your sweet baby needs.

— E