For most people, while there is some probably dysfunction somewhere in families, their childhoods were probably pretty okay, right? Probably had decent parents that provided and hoped for the best for their children.
Then one day, you woke up and it seemed to come out of nowhere. You were the parent. You were the provider. You were tucking kids in and hoping you didn’t screw them up too bad. You were the grown-up, thinking about Roth IRA’s and making sure that you had enough time to get to the post office.
After Noah was born, the sweet nurse that was discharging was behind the desk and we were being rolled out. I said “Thank you, we’re going.” She smiled and said, “Congratulations!” I said, “no, we’re leaving… with a baby.” She replied, “you’re going to be fine.” Umm, I don’t know about that. So we drove home with all these maniac drivers on the road with us trying to run us and our newborn off the road (seriously, has there ever been a scarier drive??) We got home finally, went into the house, and then I thought, “What now? What do I do with this frightening little person?”
Another time, I remember being at work and I looked around for a grown-up nurse and then I realized, OMG, I’m the grown-up nurse. When did that happen?? When did I become adult enough to take care of patient on my own without any supervision? Ok, not totally true. I ask questions all the time and I feel like I’m smart enough to know what I don’t know… which is a lot.
One of my very best friends said something to me this morning that really stuck with me (as if I’m surprised by her brilliance). She said something like, “You’re young and everything’s okay, then all of a sudden people lose parents and babies and siblings. How does that happen?”
She’s right. It all kind of came out of nowhere. I guess it was a slow progression but I didn’t notice it was happening. Did you? Do you feel like an adult? I sure don’t.
I hope you’re more prepared for adulting that I am. Some days, I feel like I can’t get anything together.
So for those of you that are trying, you are doing a great job. Even if you were out of milk for breakfast, couldn’t find matching shoes for your kid while you were already 15 minutes late leaving the house, forgot to switch the laundry over (again) or didn’t realize that you shaved the same leg twice (I’ve done this once… okay, twice), it’s going to be okay. You get a clean slate to try again tomorrow.
I’m going to rock adulting…. one day.
–E
Life Inside Looking Out 