Honesty

Honesty is a very important quality. The most important, in my humble opinion.

Honesty a: adherence to the facts

b: fairness and straightforwardness of conduct

I’m not talking about between spouses or friends. I’m talking about honesty with yourself.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see someone that is kind? Beautiful? Happy? Truthful? Sincere? A good parent? A hard worker? A giving spouse?

We are our own worst critics, so chances are that you didn’t name those things. I’m not even talking about outward beauty. Look deeper inside yourself. Why are we so hard on ourselves? I’ve never felt like I was good enough. I have felt inadequate all my life. It’s kind of a sad joke in our house — “oh I know, it’s never enough.” But deep down, it still feels like that.

I’m going to tell you something and if you need to read it over and over, then do it.

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO EVERYONE ELSE. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

OK, back up and read that again.

As a nurse, I would love to have all the answers. When new moms ask me why their baby is crying when they have already eaten and have clean diapers, the answer is sometimes babies cry. I would love to tell them the secret to being a great mom, but who am I to tell them anything? I’m still figuring it out every day.
As a mother myself, when my kids ask questions that I cannot answer, I feel insufficient and lacking. When Avery asked me recently why some girls have lots of brothers, why does she only have one, I know my answers are never enough. I pray that one day she understands. When Noah asks questions like why he has to do, well, anything, my responses only seem to bring him down.

I have been unhappy many times in my life. Those times never had to do with my husband or my children. Mostly, I was unhappy with myself or the circumstances of the times.

But I’m really trying to do better for myself. I don’t want to be unhappy. I’ve decided that if something makes me unhappy, it’s got to go. I have to remove that circumstance or person.
I guess that sounds really harsh and selfish, and maybe it is, but I have to separate myself from negativity in order to forgive myself and try to heal the shattered pieces of my heart.

When I think of my lost babies, I have to remind myself that it wasn’t my fault, no matter how much guilt I feel for not being able to keep them safe. I am harder on myself than anyone else has ever been. Why do I do that to myself? I wish I knew.

My kids deserve a happy mom.
My husband deserves a happy wife.

And I deserve to be happy.

And so do you.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell yourself what you see.